Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
