You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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