Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
