well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
