I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
