im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
