i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
