do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
