Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
