are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
