why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
