also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
