I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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