i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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