Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
