im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
