Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
