I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
