Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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