Your dad touched me again.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
