My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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