Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
