so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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