This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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