My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
