remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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