I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
