There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
