Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
