can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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