Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
