someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
