turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
