I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
