I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
