I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
