I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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