Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
