Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
