Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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