She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
