Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
