when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
