I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
