He disabled his match.com account in front of me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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