You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
