I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
