I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was born a porn star she said
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
