Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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