drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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