How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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