fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
