How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
