I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's never too late to be topless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
