He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
