I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
