you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
