I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
