Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
