we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
